Cold Begone Soup for one

When you've got what might be the flu, the last thing you want to do is stand around preparing elaborate soup. Of course, soup is exactly what you need.

Furthermore, soup for one always seems a ridiculous statement, a nearly impossible undertaking.

Yet here we are, and I'm happy to report that the little rice steamer earns it's jeep once again. It's perfect for soup for one. If you're whole family are sick, feel free to upsize this from the little rice steamer to the regular (or even industrial) sized one.

The simplest route is to put some chicken broth (bone or regular) in the steaming bowl and add noodles. If you add nothing else, I recommend turmeric powder and black pepper, especially if you have aches and chills. Other goodies to help hasten healing include fresh garlic, possibly a bit of sage (though it can take over the palate).  For flavor, throw in some chopped celery (stalk or leaves) and a bit of carrot. Be sure there's enough liquid that the noodles are swimming.

Cover and press "cook." When it all starts to boil, set a timer for ten minutes or so, depending on your noodles. Ladle the results directly into a bowl and serve -- golden noodle soup for one.

Rest, drink water, and enjoy.

Courage

If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with the heart of an angel.

----Keanu Reeves

The Quiet Strength of Balance

This challenge is all about cultivating the quiet strength of balance, and I can’t think of a better time to set that intention than at the new moon just before the Autumn Equinox. I’m focusing on the core elements that sustain me and bring me peace, security, and the quiet strength to be who I am in the world.

• Heal as I can, when I can.
• Eating
• Wellness Wednesdays
• Sometimes the gym
• Do not give in to despair.
• Writing (Dissertation is 12, 343 words as the challenge opens)
• Classwork
• Connections
• Allow no one to choose combat for me
• Sleep, regularly but also often
• Schedule as little as possible by the clock and calendar.
• Meditation, including small bits of sitting throughout the day.

Praxis

 

Chiron

Chiron is a centaur in Greek mythology, (sired by Chronos in horse form)  unlike the usual frat-boy centaurs (born of a cloud that Zeus made to look like Hera, because Zeus is perpetually, like, fourteen). He's wise and kind and moderate, known for his peacefulness and as a paragon of justice. He gave us the notion of court, saying "Decide no suit, until you have heard both sides speak". 

 

He was taught the art of medicine and herbs by his foster-father Apollo, and the ways of archery he learned from Artemis. He took an arrow to the thigh ("to the knee" perhaps?), the tip of which had been dipped in the blood of the Hydra, and it will never heal, but because he is immortal it doesn't kill him. He is oracular in his knowledge, understanding astrology as well as being possessed of a wisdom so deep that he is the mentor of heroes.

 

He taught Achilles the lyre (as well as geography, javelin, and archery) and Asclepius (whom he raised) medicine. Dionysus was loved by Chiron, from whom he learned chants and dances, the bacchic rites and initiations. He taught Heracles, Ajax, Aneas, Actaeon, Theseus, Jason, Castor and Pollux, Perseus, Odysseus, and pretty much anyone else who's had an epic hymn written about him.

 

Chiron had Heracles strike a bargain with Zeus (Chiron's half brother) in which Chiron's immortality would be exchanged for Prometheus' liberation from the agony on the rock (his eternal punishment for stealing fire, which belonged to the gods, a theft I'm grateful for every time I make tea).  Zeus revered Chiron so much that he couldn't let the centaur's death be his end, and placed him as a constellation in the night sky.

Lightening Strikes

Lighten-ing Strikes

This challenge is about adopting NothingWhatsoever as a Way of being, about looking at my possessions and entanglements and making surgical cuts to let go of what doesn't actively heal me. Typical decluttering has me looking at what to get rid of; lighten-ing has me justifying anything I decide to keep, from forks to gym memberships, jobs and relationships.

Top of the list are the Super Scary Storage Units. I have no idea what's in those boxes. Step one is to divide a space out for keeps even if I leave it in storage, and designate a section for donate for anything already sorted and not in the keep area. I mean really. I don't need anything in there except my birth certificate, a signed copy of a book by a friend, a notebook of my novel, and maybe that stash of amazing olive oil from a grove in southeastern Italy. Even the books for my dissertation are optional. Once I get enough stuff in the donation area, I can get help hauling it away. The storage units are on the other end of town and it feels like a Dreaded Quest to even think about going. I'm avoidant in the extreme about this. So, time in small chunks will be a dramatic improvement.

Also on the list are any and all bills. I haven't used my gym membership. I can either use it or scrap it. We'll see how often I actually leave the house once the paper is done. A thorough inventory of what I'm signed up for (seriously? I was paying for a subscription to chess.com? I don't even remember that.) and then an evaluation of the list. Sounds simple when I put it like that, doesn't it?

NothingWhatsoever. I have a habit of signing up for everything that sounds great. And everything sounds great. I need less to do in my life as I heal from burnout, heal from injury, and heal from trauma. No new things, and a lightening of existing projects and commitments. I've already decided to take the summer off from classes, and this first week I resigned from an editing position. The disentanglement of that will take another week or so, mostly in the form of having them tell me who to send my work to and crafting a letter to my series editor and authors for a smooth (ish) handoff. There's an annual Writing Workshop that I usually attend that has a powerful magic for me. It's meeting virtually again this year (June 13-19, so zero week of next challenge). I'm not committing to going yet, even though it's only a month away. I have a feeling that a lot will be revealed during the eclipses (lunar May 26 and solar June 10). I'd like to make no new commitments until after that.

The elephant in the room is my relationship with my daughter. Nothing makes sense right now on this front, and it hasn't in years. At this point, if I'm being honest, my relationship with my daughter is a past thing. To have a relationship now would be to start something new. Her dad is clearly, violently opposed. I'm not certain I'm willing to take on a fight just to say I can. It certainly wouldn't be a relationship with my daughter, so what's the value?

I have two farm workdays scheduled, May 22 and June 5, at the farm that grows my food for the season (May-December). I like that these come right after the paper delivery and right after court. Hoeing onions or weighing lettuce are the perfect tasks for resetting my spirit and listening for inspiration. Even so, the weight of commitment is noticeable. I know there will be a million opportunities to sign up to help. I need to limit myself to these two. If I want more farm time, I can go to the garden up the mountain, my spiritual home.

Fatigue and Chinese Medicine

In Chinese Medicine terms, fatigue is related to fire chi, and either it's a case of having too much water and/or cold chi (working against fire) or of doing too much fire activity (burning too much of the fire and depleting it). Frequently both of these are going on.   What's important to know about this is that to address fatigue we have to address the whole system because it's like saying "my horse can't gallop anymore and is not even interested in coming out of the stable to go to the pasture." So we look at what's been going on with the horse: has it been running a freaking marathon at gallop speeds for the last forever long? (In my case, this was definitely true.) Has it been drinking water that is fouled? (True.) Has it been standing in the cold and rain? (True, again.) Well no wonder it won't come out of its stall. 🙂

 

Grief is water and it's cold- there's a reason we say we are flooded with grief and that we feel like we are drowning in it. I have a lot of grief in my life, and many of us do now. Processing it is necessary, and it's difficult. I have been good at processing through old grief, and I look forward to the day that new grief doesn't meet me daily. Relationships that are fractured are a source of continuing grief, so some sort of resolution is needed; this is the hardest work I have ever done (upside: doing it has been the source of profound peace).

 

Creativity is fire. Inspiration is a kindling of love energy, and the poets talk about art and love equally. When we are doing creative work, work that is beyond merely physical tasks of chopping wood and carrying water, we are using fire at its source. Learning to sit and be still in my mind as well as in my body has been difficult: worry is a creative act even though it doesn't feel very artful. I know I'm "doing meditation right" when I feel in balance while I sit - balance with the breath and the mind and the body that is.

So when I feel fatigued, I have to look at how I've been spending my creativity and possibly overspending it. I need to give that side a rest so that the spark doesn't die, and this is difficult: my mind and my heart are wellsprings of neat ideas and interesting musings. Meditation is akin to taking the time to add an oak log to the base of the fire: it takes a lot of balance and time for it to catch, but once it does it burns slowly and for a long time. For this reason, five minutes of meditation a couple times a day yields more results than one hour-long session once a week. In developing a meditation practice, I have discovered a bed of coals that I can return to for warmth and healing, and a bank of creativity that is sustaining even in dark times; a little fuel goes a long way when my meditation practice is solid and I'm able to write or create deeper and more meaningfully. The whole thing would crash again if I went back to my bonfire days, though, and now that I'm in a fatigued state, I have to be mindful not to take on too much, and to build in flexibility for resting and reflection.

 

Christmas Star Solstice

Today's acupuncture session was possibly the best I have ever had, and I left the clinic feeling floaty. At home, the crockpot had finished simmering the yams with ginger and cardamom, and I ate a bowl of yummy goodness while I sat and thought about how lucky I am. I'm also very glad that the housework was finished up this afternoon, because I doubt I will have the energy to do it for the next couple days.

When I opened my email, I found a notification that my proposal for an edited volume has made it to the final round and the publishers want a full proposal in the coming weeks. I now have two books in the final round for publishing. It might come to nothing in the final wash, but this is a message from the Universe.

Set your intentions, Friends.

The new year begins now.

I was not captured by an octopus.

After a week-long migraine episode, I am starting to feel human-ish again. I had a protracted appointment at the acupuncturist and then an hour session at the massage therapist, who is basically another form of PT. We did cupping in the trouble spots, which ended up being everywhere, and now I look as though I have been kidnapped by an octopus.

Since I was out, I picked up milk and checked the mail -- a couple new books to review have arrived which makes me happy.  Today has been a Very Long Day, and I'm headed to a bath to soak before taking Tiu out for his evening walk.

Healing

After leaving the hospital, I was a wreck. I swear the efforts to induce a dramatic seizure nearly broke me. (Because apparently having ample data of neurological energy spikes was not enough. Western medicine can be very rude.) The upside is that the data have been collected and I was cleared to be off all medication for now. The neurological team will go over the data and discuss amongst themselves; I have a follow-up appointment next week.

I've spent the last week hunkered down and recovering. I ended up cancelling  conferences for a couple weeks while I mend, and I'm heartbroken, but it can't be helped. 

Detroit seems like a lifetime ago.

Gym day

Something in my Spirit has shifted, though I'm not certain what. I know that the Wolf Moon Eclipse is supposed to be a big deal, releasing our wild side, but I feel calmer instead. More centered. Not sure what is up with that, but I'll take it.

I went to meeting Monday and asked for a volunteer to take me more often. Yesterday I texted one of the volunteers and it worked out (fourth time is the charm!!). At the meeting, I asked someone if I could start calling every day. Ever since I buried my sponsor last year, I d missed the visibility and connection. We talked last night, and then again while I walked to the gym this morning.

This week I texted an old friend that had been important but become alienated through bad communication and fear on both our parts. I thanked them for being in my life. We're talking again. It's nice. We could get hurt again, but even so it wouldn't be the end of the world. Living in isolation needlessly would be tragic though.

I can feel micro spasms -- around my eyes or near my temples -- and this is totally neurological. The headaches are mostly diminished, so even though I'm wiped out by ten in the morning, I can make the most of resting.

I walked to the gym. This is mild defiance on my part, since I'm not supposed to walk alone. But it's a managed rebellion, since I had someone on the phone the whole time. #AchievementUnlocked.

I swam 300 yards.

The plan these days is about doing it. Doing it fast is not the goal -- bonus points are for consistency and duration, but overdoing it is still bad. Right now the achievement range is 220-440 yards (1/8-1/4 mile). This is up from August (110-220), which was a step up from April (NotDeadYayMe!!)

Then steam room (to kill flue) and sauna meditation (blood pressure) and shower (clean is good). I love having a permanent locker at the gym.

On the walk home, I gave serious thought to the living situation. I might move, might stay where I am but in any case I need to purge My Land of a bunch of possessions which no longer fit my abilities (or lack thereof. It's kind of delusional to have scads of cooking supplies and equipment when I'm at the point of leftovers and takeout being onerously difficult.

So I took a deep breath and owned a situation that I don't like and that is getting worse by ignoring it. I texted a friend to get a crew together. Move everything out of the attic, haul away furniture etc. that I don't use, take donations to Goodwill.

Also I've asked for help with housework. It will either materialize or it won't. I keep sending out the call.

I heard from my thesis advisor. We've been talking about structure and assembly of the final draft. I'm hoping to get something to him before I leave for New York at the end of the month (#NightOfPhilosophyAndIdeas).

White tea and naps.

Love and peace ❣️

Rest and heal

Today was almost all resting until an evening session of Sound Meditation. Betsy led the session, and she's just magnificent. Also managed to make it an opportunity to drag in a new recruit to the practice.

Had a long bath afterwards to sweat and warm up.
More resting.

Another Round of Weirdness

Had a rough few days in my head that then got dramatically worse Friday night. I ended up going to the Emergency Room this morning.





They pumped me full of anti-seizure stuff, and did a CT scan -- everything normal enough to send me home with a follow-up appointment.

A friend came while I was there, then made sure I ate while the prescriptions were filled. Mexican this time. It was pretty good, too.

The head still hurts on and off, but mostly I'm just tired.

Missed the visit with Vivian and I'm heartsick about it.

When reality is the problem, more reality is the answer.

“Drugs and alcohol are not my problem, reality is my problem, drugs and alcohol are my solution. If this seems odd to you it is because you are not an alcoholic or a drug addict. You are likely one of the 90% of people who can drink and use drugs safely. I have friends who can smoke weed, swill gin, even do crack and then merrily get on with their lives. For me, this is not an option. I will relinquish all else to ride that buzz to oblivion. Even if it began as a timid glass of chardonnay on a ponce’s yacht, it would end with me necking the bottle, swimming to shore and sprinting to Bethnal Green in search of a crack house. I look to drugs and booze to fill up a hole in me; unchecked, the call of the wild is too strong.”

Russell Brand, The Guardian essay, 2013

~ o h m ~

I'm really looking forward to picking up yoga in the park again. With all the scheduling changes, it got dropped, but it's long overdue to add it back in, and Friday morning hasn't been the same since I stopped going. I know that it was because Vivian wasn't with me, but I'm looking forward to including her in the Monday evening offering. She has missed it and Bonny has missed having her in class.

I know I wouldn't be able to fit in the health and wellness pieces of my routine if I didn't have such great support from my partner. It really is all about balance.

Live long & Prosper

 &