The problem might not be the rain

I have a friend who's in a difficult space, and I'm not sure how to help. This makes my heart heavy.

Imagine the following situation:

Friend: I'm sitting in the rain and I'm getting all wet and it's kind of awful!

Me: Aren't you near a covered patio?

Friend: Yes, but it feels too far away and I don't want to go there.

Me: I sent you an umbrella through Amazon. Did you get it?

Friend: A man came and delivered a box and maybe that's it so I think so, yes, but I can't think about that because it's raining harder and I feel awful and now it's cold, too. Can I come to your place?

Me: No, I'm not available now.  Open the box and open the umbrella.

Friend: Wait, what? That sounds like a lot of instructions and the problem is that I'm wet and cold. Can you come pick me up?

Me: No, I can't. Open the box.

Friend: . . . 

Me: . . ? 

Friend: Never mind the rain stopped and everything's good, there are birds and I look hilarious because I'm drying out now.

We have had  this conversation a number of times, and I'm starting to think the problem isn't the rain.

2022 Wishes

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value. Rather, it is one of the things which give value to survival." C. S. Lewis

"Survival is insufficient." Star Trek Voyager, ep. 122

May your 2022 be filled with things which give value to survival.

Let This Darkness Be a Bell Tower

Quiet friend who has come so far,

 

feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,

 

what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.

 

In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.

 

And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.

 

Sonnets to Orpheus II, 29

—— Rainer Maria Rilke

Friendship

friendship is the place in which the great majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love and caring community.”
----bell hooks

Watch Log: Finding Forrester

 Finding Forrester is a beautiful tale of how acceptance and rejection shape our decisions and support, or get in the way of, living our dreams. Friendship is everything.

 

Watch Log: Once

 Once is tender and true. I loved everything about it. But then, I would.

Friendly Reminder

Thank goodness for my friends. I've been maintaining a sprint pace for far too long, and I'm overdue for a rest period. Academia has done away with Spring Break this year, and I'm feeling the lack way down deep in my bones. 

 

Also, there are just So Many Things that are interesting and exciting to be part of right now. The upside of remote-everything is that the buffet is open and one can pile her plate as high as ever. (Did I mention I'll be on the SAAP panel tomorrow? I will. I'm looking forward to it, but my Zoom-avoidance is cranked up to the max.) 

 

The latest mini-series will launch later this month on the APA Blog, and I'm excited about it. I'm also ready to give series development a bit of a rest. This one is about Technology and Philosophy, a topic dear to my heart. It follows Climate Matters, Genology of Philosophy, Philosophy as a Way of Life, and Recently Published Books author interview series. Along with the existing Black Issues in Philosophy and Women in Philosophy series, and my editing plate is rich and full. I work with some of the best people on the planet and I'm proud of what we are publishing.

 

I've enlisted Tank to be my wingman on burnout prevention, a position he's got a lot of experience with. Not a full day passed before:

 

Me: I can't wait for this term to end so I can do NothingWhatsoever for two months!! 

Also me: Shiny!!

Tank:

Definitely going to need to put this picture beside the computer.

Community

So many phone calls today, reminding me that despite the isolation, I have a Community. Life is rich and good, even though hope was hard today.

 

Judy and I had a Jedi Council of two, and it was a special treat. We'll check in with the guys next month, and it was nice to have some girl-time. We talked about education generally and teaching specifically, and she was instrumental in helping me set down my guilt for being reluctant to teach, at least in the traditional sense. 

 

During my conversation with Tank, we talked (as always) about everything and nothing, and I felt heard and seen. I am very blessed.

As I was walking Little Dog under the waning sliver of moon, I smiled. Tea was steeping back in the apartment, extra ginger in the infuser along with the loose leaves, and simply being out in the night spring air was delightful. I told Tank about the Quaker pilgrimage I want to take and the book that will come of it. Just talking about that helped hope be more available and less weighty.

 

In between naps, it was a productive day. Philosophy posts were edited, schedules updated, and a new series launched. I wrote the first draft of the conference paper for Saturday (I am of course also helping host the panel. Why am I like this?) The conversation with a delegate about educational policy and leadership got rescheduled, as did the meeting with a philosophy student. I messed about with Writing. 

My brain has had a lot of activity lately, so I doubled up on the milk and had some salmon. Tiu is a big fan of the fact that I don't eat the skin -- he thinks it's divine. He seems to be recovering from surgery very well. Bonus: he's overall calmer, though still playful.

The line about the sweaters makes me laugh.

Every. Single. Time.

Gifts of Friendship

This week has been a roller coaster of emotionality, and honestly I'm worn out. I've been tired since September. Acupuncture and physical therapy help, but still -- this winter has been difficult.

This morning a friend brought a care package: wooden bow breadknife from the Adirondacks, live-edge cutting board from a tree in Connecticut, homemade pepper jelly, almond butter, yogurt, and granola. Enjoy your bread and tea, he said. If he only knew.

Then the evening mail contained an unexpected package: a book a friend had written a while ago about seeking our way in the world. Ever keep heart! he signed it. If he only knew.

I've been so isolated for so long that I think I've forgotten how to be celebrated.

The gifts of friendship sustain us through dark and lonely times, reminding us that we are not alone and that we are worthy just as we are, wherever and however we are.

Thank you, Friends.

Book love

A special treat arrived from Amazon today, the magical faeries who are keeping hearts and minds connected across great distances.

Life is good.

A Mile Walked with Friends

Love from friends

Truly surprised and blown away by this little package of love from my faraway fellow nerd.

The dusky twilight color is just right.

Might never take it off.

   

 

Bards and swords

Sometimes the point is to deliver the sword to the one that needs it.

Wield it in great health, dear Bard. May it serve you well on your journeys to Albion and back.

Tell us the tales, what you saw on the way and who you missed.

Latcho drom, pal.

Gym day

Something in my Spirit has shifted, though I'm not certain what. I know that the Wolf Moon Eclipse is supposed to be a big deal, releasing our wild side, but I feel calmer instead. More centered. Not sure what is up with that, but I'll take it.

I went to meeting Monday and asked for a volunteer to take me more often. Yesterday I texted one of the volunteers and it worked out (fourth time is the charm!!). At the meeting, I asked someone if I could start calling every day. Ever since I buried my sponsor last year, I d missed the visibility and connection. We talked last night, and then again while I walked to the gym this morning.

This week I texted an old friend that had been important but become alienated through bad communication and fear on both our parts. I thanked them for being in my life. We're talking again. It's nice. We could get hurt again, but even so it wouldn't be the end of the world. Living in isolation needlessly would be tragic though.

I can feel micro spasms -- around my eyes or near my temples -- and this is totally neurological. The headaches are mostly diminished, so even though I'm wiped out by ten in the morning, I can make the most of resting.

I walked to the gym. This is mild defiance on my part, since I'm not supposed to walk alone. But it's a managed rebellion, since I had someone on the phone the whole time. #AchievementUnlocked.

I swam 300 yards.

The plan these days is about doing it. Doing it fast is not the goal -- bonus points are for consistency and duration, but overdoing it is still bad. Right now the achievement range is 220-440 yards (1/8-1/4 mile). This is up from August (110-220), which was a step up from April (NotDeadYayMe!!)

Then steam room (to kill flue) and sauna meditation (blood pressure) and shower (clean is good). I love having a permanent locker at the gym.

On the walk home, I gave serious thought to the living situation. I might move, might stay where I am but in any case I need to purge My Land of a bunch of possessions which no longer fit my abilities (or lack thereof. It's kind of delusional to have scads of cooking supplies and equipment when I'm at the point of leftovers and takeout being onerously difficult.

So I took a deep breath and owned a situation that I don't like and that is getting worse by ignoring it. I texted a friend to get a crew together. Move everything out of the attic, haul away furniture etc. that I don't use, take donations to Goodwill.

Also I've asked for help with housework. It will either materialize or it won't. I keep sending out the call.

I heard from my thesis advisor. We've been talking about structure and assembly of the final draft. I'm hoping to get something to him before I leave for New York at the end of the month (#NightOfPhilosophyAndIdeas).

White tea and naps.

Love and peace ❣️

The Bookshop

Continuing with the foolishness of my world, this week's Sunday movie at the Grandin was The Bookshop, a perfectly charming film adaptation of the book by the same name.

The pacing is spot-on, and Mortimer is brilliant as a widow who decides to open a bookshop in a small eastern town, incurring strong emotions in residents, who respond in ways that surprise everyone, including themselves.

Set in the late 50s, it feels as relevant as ever. Nighy and Clarkson are as good as ever.

A perfect rainy Sunday film when you're feeling off-kilter and courageous. The power of books, of books as friends, and the power of friendship. Never underestimate the power of believing in yourself and others.

Holiday retrospective

Reading the book from John Kern. Again.

French Toast with Hearts

Ponies

Gingerbread family, all ready for decorating

Jessica Jones

Jessica Jones is the latest installment in the superhero television shows. Set in Hell's Kitchen, the Marvel location for the Daredevil narrative, Jessica presents an anti-hero, possessed of super strength matched only by her jaded resignation. At the core of her altar of disillusionment is a history of mind control, and the themes of domination, captivity and power loom large in this latest Netflix original.

It's not even PG13, as far as I'm concerned, but it's worth watching, because it's worth discussing. If you need something to binge away the rainy day, light a fire and spool up this foray into a universe where women explore power. You'll find not only Jones, who makes many a decision and statement concerning men, society, and humanity at large, but also Jeri Hogarth, an ambitious corporate lawyer hell bent on winning; Hope Schlottmann, a victim of rape and mind control who has a lot to say about freedom and options; Trish Walker, Jessica's best friend and foster sister, who crafts a cultivated life as a shield against the abuses of her mother; Dorothy Walker, Trish's mother, who can't seem to help herself.

Through all the fist fights, Machiavellian machinations, hard liquor and sex, it is love and friendship that have the power to save the day. Don't miss this one.

I love being a student

I love being a student. I think, ultimately, that this is why the law is the right place for me, because it is always changing, and so a practitioner is always learning.

Lots of classwork on the deck this week, and moving starting. I'm very excited.

The heart is healing, albeit slowly and with great care. The teenagers are maturing, and it is nice to see. Overall, I believe that I am well and truly blessed.

Tonight one of my friends asked how many friends I have.
I thought for a second.
"Three, " I answered.

And that's more than I ever expected.