I spent last night unmaking my former home my home, and now it is just a house with stuff in it. There are a few things at the apartment, enough to get by with for now, and the rest will sort itself out.
Relationships are hard. We do the hard things because they are worth it, and so are we.
Also, it's probably not a great idea to listen to a lot of David Foster Wallace when I'm in this funky headspace. I got three hours of sleep last night and I was fragile-feeling to begin with. I love his voice, though.
I have to call the cable company today to set up internet at the apartment. Pray for me.
So looking forward to this week's delivery of fresh goodness. After the trip to the farmer's market, we'll be heading over to meet the contractor at the house and see what is what.
Life if good.
Head Lettuce: Floyd EcoVillage, Floyd
Broccoli: Full Circle Farm, Floyd
Asparagus: Twin Falls, Copper Hill
Greenhouse cucumber: Full Cirlc Farm: Floyd
Mixed Herbs: TruFood Growery, Floyd
Strawberries: Yoders Farm, Rustburg
Yesterday was a total resting day.
I got the thesis draft with notes back from my advisor. The word "outstanding" was used. I'm tickled.
His notes and edits mostly go to ditching a lot of my conversation of theory, which was always the weakest part, as I saw it. I am happy to take it out more or less altogether, since I'm an action kind of philosopher.
This morning I looked at teaching positions available at the local community college. They have a ton, and I plan on applying for at least two of them. I know, I know: "You have a master's in philosophy; what are you going to do with that: Teach?"
Best conversation along those lines was when someone asked:
Them: "Philosophy. You make any money with that?"
Me: "I designed my own currency system once; does that count?"
Yesterday seemed to be a day of grounding. I ended up neatening up around the house, and Vivian settled into her rountine and expectations a bit more. I'm really proud of her, and she is showing me that this is the right path. I don't think she needs a school so much as she needs companionship at this point. I talked with my partner about possibly getting a dog for her once graduation is over. He is fine with it; I'm the one dragging my heels because I know how I am about training epectations and how much time it will take. Nonetheless, it's the right thing to do for Vivian. I'm thinking a black lab.
Today the living room gets painted and crown molding begins. I have visions of it in every room of the house, but one room at a time is all I can afford. And, you know, it's the living room, so I can't think of a better place to start.
Main Quest: Let Go Or Be Dragged Current Mission: Choose Wisely
But choose wisely, for while the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you.
This challenge is all about spending my resources more wisely. Not just money, though that is certainly a piece of it. Time and space and energy as well. I have been spreading myself far too thin in recent years. After having devoted some serious work to thinking about how and where this has manifested in my life, I have the beginnings of An Attack Plan.
This is a consciousness-centered goal, even though it will have tangible efforts and measurable results. Grading it overall will be extremely difficult, because even with concrete items, this is more about achieving a certain zone. I will definitely be keeping regular posts of what I do, and tracking my tasks and such, but the final analysis is going to be how closely I achieve the ideal space that I'm envisioning. Obvious increases are to CON and WIS and DEX.
I think I'll leave it at that and take five points each for an A, with percentages for lower grades taken across the board. Keeping track of all that there is to be done is going to be a challenge in its own right. I'm not certain how best to do this, short of printing the pages below out and taping them on a wall, making tick marks on the various items. [Wait. That idea has merit suddenly.]
Alternately, I could group the items by date, since some of them are clearly Before the Move or After the Move. Heaven help me, but I don't really want to get into spreadsheet land again. Also there are obvious groupings of one-offs versus weekly or monthly items. GAH. This will take a hard hat.
Time: It's about time that I let other folks do the heavy lifting with regard to regular task management. Subscriptions help in this immensely for me, since I don't have to revisit a decision I already made (buy X every time_period). Also, it keeps me from doing the food security freak out that results in me buying caseloads (not hyperbole) of food.
Tasks: 8/8 A+
Beef: Buy and process a steer. Store beef in weekly distribution amounts in a small chest freezer. Feb 18 - steer ordered and cut sheet delivered. Awaiting notification of pick up date. April 5
(N.B. Buy a small chest freezer if the upright one doesn't fit in the apartment.) April 5.
Local, seasonal fruits and vegetables: Set up a delivery subscription with a local provider for fresh, local, organic produce. Feb 18
Coffee: Set up a delivery schedule with a local roaster for organic, fair trade coffee delivery. Feb 17
Wine: Set up a monthly subscription for delivery of my favorite reds. Feb 17
Contact housekeeper to set up weekly services. Feb 18
Contact Peacock Salem for dry cleaning pickup and delivery account. Decided we are going to do our own laundry as part of weekly chores.
Pay car insurance for the year. Feb 18: found out six months is as much as can be bought at once. Done.
Routines to Establish: 3/3 A- for not actually writing them down, but we have been great about communicating and then following through, and that's really what this piece is about. We are still planning to write all this down in a checklist format for the week, and also to have a shopping list for the week posted on the board so that we can list our preferences (there are no guarantees, of course) taken into consideration when the shopping actually gets done.
Weekly Food purchase - no more than is needed for the week, enforced by cash. This will be supported by a Menu Plan for the week, finalized on Monday nights (the night before the produce delivery) when we do the weekly refrigerator clean out.
Chores - everyone's chores explicitly stated, posted, and with a check-off sheet, updated daily and replaced each week.
Daily routine - posted as part of the No Surprises plan, especially including kitchen closing time, quiet hours, and television and entertainment schedules
Space & Stuff: I need to clear my space, literally as well as metaphorically. I have been weighing myself and my family down with stuff, and we haven't really been as mindful about what we have. Clutter drives me crazy. Cray-ZEE. So we are getting rid of everything that doesn't fit, that we don't use regularly, and reducing the rest of it to Very Useful Items. To help make me do this, I'm moving into a very small, two-bedroom apartment from a medium sized four-bedroom house. I looked around a long time before choosing the place we are going, since the places we have been have been nice, but not well laid out, and inefficient in their construction (can you say utilities bills?) as well as use of space. The place we are going is modern, with a maintenance staff around the clock and high-efficiency everything. We are looking forward to it, all of us, even if it means that privacy is going to be hard to come by.
Tasks: 14/14 : this list is complete. There is some unpacking and settling in that remains, but very little indeed. This is a major win. A+
Sort Clothes. Donate everything useful that we don't want, don't wear or doesn't fit. Feb 19 - nearly done with mine. Began Vivian's as well.
Have everything must go sale on craigslist once all other stuff is moved to new place.
Donate anything that doesn't get moved or sold.
Sort bathroom items and pare down to essentials.
Sell current queen beds and dressers
Buy twin beds with built in storage
Deal with the Basement Boxes: they all have to be dealt with no later than March 30, so start now. Feb 14 - One Box
Deal with the Scary Closet. Feb 18 - First Round. Feb 19 - second round. Nearly done.
Sell washer & dryer
Sell lawn mower
Donate the majority of the books.
Sort toys and personal items in our bedrooms and closets.
Pare down to one foot locker and a four-foot closet bar with shelf.
Donate everything that doesn't go.
Money: I need to reduce my regular maintenance expenditures in general, and deeply rework where and how I’m spending my limited resources. I need anything that goes out to work actively toward the keeping of my sanity and health; everything else must go. Financial health is its own freedom. To that end I need to pay debts as quickly and as timely as possible; I need to decrease my weekly / monthly expenses; and I need to increase my weekly and monthly income. (Gosh, when it's written down like that, it seems so simple, doesn't it?)
Tasks: 12/14 The things I haven't done are essential post settling in things that allow me to make some money. I have talked with my brother and he's going to start taping a weekly cooking show that I will post on you tube. (I can cook, but have no clue about videography and editing. Yet.) This might end up tying in with money or it might not, but I'm looking forward to it and in the meantime, I'm still financially sound. Still, this is a solid A.
Submit two resumes a week to jobs that actually work for me. Being selective isn't really a luxury most folks have in this economy, and I’m right there with them. But if I die of a heart attack from job stress (a real and pending concern), I won't be able to provide. Feb 18: Pace, L&K, March 6, March 21, March 22, March 27, March 31 (Crowning Touch) April 3 (Finch), April 4 (leclair ryan & Bella)
Keep credit cards at 25% or less. Period. If it has to go on a card, pay it off from the bank account. Chances are I can get by with what I already have. Cards go t hit hard when I needed to do the final moving push and found myself in a bind. I'm really glad I had the room on them to make the choices I did, and I have a plan to work them back down over the next challenge. Three of them are below 25%, and the fourth is at 57%.
Establish automatic payment to credit cards. 2 of 4 as of March 1.
Make a schedule for debt payments with amortization dates included. This schedule has been made and will be a backbone piece of next challenge.
Make a note of my credit score every month. February: 518 (ok, that’s embarrassing) March 5: 525 (better but still red-faced about it) April 1: 559 (that's a nice step in the right direction)
Establish automatic draft for electric, cell phone, rent and amenities payments. The finance company charges a pretty penny to process stuff automatically, so I'm setting up a routine for the electric, rent and amenities payments. Cell phone is established.
Cancel gym membership February 18,
Cancel water, internet, gas accounts after the move. Scheduled for Monday, April 7, but that's technically after the challenge ends.
Downgrade the cell phone plan drastically. February 18
Verify automatic payments for student loans, medical debts, and credit cards. March 6
Investigate to make certain all medical bills from this summer have been found and collected into one account. Wow. This is like falling down a rabbit hole. But effort has been made, and that was the point of this item. Some bills have been found and payments established. Others have been relegated to the wait-and-see stack as we here in Virginia try to find out what the heck is going on with Medicaid and the ACA.
Make automatic deduction to savings for emergency fund. Set this up as a task in my calendar, and will establish a routine amount now that I know what to expect from support.
Let people have the opportunity to buy my food. Online subscription for the week.
Clean apartments. Set up an appointment schedule for folks to hire me and a teenager to come in and do basic cleaning on their apartment for $50 a week.
Energy: The whole reason for this mission is to acknowledge that how I spend my energy is deeply meaningful to my health in all its manifestations: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. I deserve a life that is calm, predictable and lovely. I can't be a good mother or provider or student or friend if I don't make the effort to achieve and maintain a life that allows me to be my best.
Tasks: 10/11
Regular acupuncture and medication for the heart (at least one per month). February.
Regular hair cut (at least one per challenge). Feb 21
Daily quiet time. This has saved me.
Study time to improve my chances of switching careers well. There are a million burger-flipping jobs out there, but no one really wants a 44 year old graduate degree holding technical guru for that. And since I’m done with the IT world, I need to beef up my credentials in the legal world in order to transition without destroying my family or myself. On track to have a 4.0 for this term, and have signed up for two classes for next term.
Networking: Monthly meeting of the paralegal professional association or similar group Networking breakfast; Toastmasters
Classes: Two paralegal classes a term until certification is complete Feb 17 - April 25
Professional Associations: Join the local chapter of the professional association.
Cooking. This is my Happy Space, and I need the luxury and energy to revisit it in a loving, creative way at least once a week. Once I moved into the new place, I have done happy cooking nearly daily, and I am truly loving it.
Yoga. Bend but do not break. Yoga helps my in so many ways. Find a weekly class that fits my schedule and my budget. The Sunday classes at the new place have been sporadic, but will hopefully become more regular.
Water. Drinking water regularly helps flush toxins out of my system and keeps me grounded in a way I don't really understand, but have truly come to love. So I need to keep doing that. Two litres or more a day. As of April 1, this has been a breeze. Thank goodness for having established this habit over the past several challenges.
Walking. Keep track of my daily steps. Minimum of 5,000 a day for this challenge. This was a challenge indeed, but there has been meaningful progress over these many weeks. I nailed this in March, and am looking forward to keeping the momentum going. April has seen no day under 5,000 steps, and quite a few at 10,000 or more.
Last night I finally felt on-track for the first time since the Holiday. I know everyone else really likes Thanksgiving, and I certainly enjoyed the time with family and friends, but I need structure in a way that is beyond rational. Disruptions to the routine really , really throw me off, and it takes a goodly bit to reset.
I knit more on the Blue Sweater while the children and I watched (an amazing episode of) Arrow with dinner (yep, it came from a box and I'm over it) and then caught up on a bit of Revolution that has been languishing in the queue. The sweater now measures about six inches from the underarm, and I'm liking it. I'm nearly done with the second skein, and I have another nine inches or so before I start on the sleeves.
And I know it sounds mundane, but the children and I were finally back on track with the little pieces of our lives -- chores, pick up for karate, dinner routine last night, and then this morning I felt as though I could breathe well for the first time in ten days as I headed out the door to the gym (don't let the disgruntled look fool you -- I always look like that when I get out of bed at o'dark hundred). The children were up and dressed with only one telling, and I can't tell you what a difference it made in my day.
No, I still haven't made a meal from scratch in over two months. No bread in over a month. And there is still a pile of boxes (slowly diminishing, but still there) next to the trash bins. The laundry and dishes are top priority for the weekend chore list, and cleaning bathrooms and floors trumps organizing. Paying rent trumps shopping, as ever, and we can all just have a little at-home celebration that we have a home to pay rent for, and that it is warm and welcoming and spacious enough to have friends over for D20 games and generic gathering.
I'm looking forward to reading more of Geekomancy, to knitting and putting the clean laundry away. I plan on letting myself watch television instead of fretting. I might end up making a bit of white bean chicken chile if I feel adventurous, letting it perk in the slow cooker while I am at Pilates on Sunday afternoon (still one of the best parts of the week).
I knit. Right now the average is about one project a month, and by project I mean garment.
I host friends over at least once a month.
My son hosts friends over for D&D about once a week.
I drop the teen and 'tween boys at karate four times a week.
I play with my daughter one-on-one for an hour while my sons are at karate.
I cook, mostly organic, usually scary nutritious, often from scratch (less lately than I used to and less than I would like to).
I do laundry and the dishes.
I clean bathrooms and floors.
I take out the trash.
I send email and keep in touch with my friends, both local and long-distance. Even if the message isn't a long one, it is heartfelt and that much comes through.
I haven't baked much in the last six weeks, but before that we were making most of our own bread. And soups. And they were amazing.
I manage the medical and other appointments for us all.
I pay the bills, mostly on time, even.
I am working on organizing stuff, and doing a pretty good job of it, but it's not nearly done yet.
I decorate for the holidays.
So can I stop giving myself crap now for feeling as though I don't do enough?
There is something magical (and a bit sad, but in a lovely way) about finishing a project. Sort of like finishing a good book that became a friend along the way.
I've moved the packed-up boxes aside, and the little odds and ends are diminishing into boxes too, albeit slowly. This is my major project of the month, and I guarantee there will be no sadness involved when it is over. I haven't had much time at all this week for anything else. Not reading or knitting, and not even watching television.
I've accepted that I will be renting for at least another year. Perhaps this is a good thing, and my mind has been beginning the buzz of other options, a symphonic "what-if": what if we (as a family) weren't tied to the area beyond the next few years? Could we really get a farm again? If so, could we really make it work?
These are fun questions, with interesting, multi-faceted answers that bring more questions yet again. [Watch out boys: there will be word problems in your future, and yes, math is involved.]
Last night on the way home I heard an article on NPR talking about the sanctity of being un-plugged, in this case, while in flight at 35,000 feet. I agree with Eric Weiner, that the state of being offline is harder to come by and increasingly precious. "Don't you love that word, offline? I do. But it is about to go the way of other cherished expressions, like 'out of the office' and 'on vacation,'" writes Weiner. In my case the status is simply "at home."
In my part of the county, we are all offline: there is no cable, no television network reception, and certainly no cell phone ability. Online? Please. We aren't. And I like it that way. I'm one of the few people at work who has managed to maintain a work-life separation. Once I leave the office, I'm (brace yourself, dear Reader) unavailable. I love it.
Of course there is a downside to the situation: As a family, we have to interact with each other more, communicate, and, when we are on our own, we have to think. This isn't such a bad deal for the adults, but it gives ample time and space for the children's minds to run amok, and, being that they are planners and thinkers, without any shortage of imagination, this means David and I hear often "You know what we need to do?"
The latest is that the boys are both wanting to attend MIT, and that they want to do it together. Of course they have figured all this out: Ethan will take a year off after graduating, get a small job and help Graeme graduate a year early. Now, never once have they entertained the idea that they wouldn't get accepted to MIT; I applaud this. I'm a little less enthusiastic about the idea of double tuition, room and board at one of the country's most prestigious (read: expensive) private engineering universities, but I am thankful for the nine-year advance notice.
Today i find myself pretty happy and content overall. had a good night with family, including a visit from johnny, who doled out christmas-in-april gifts to everyone's delight. the food was yummy, the company wonderful, and we even got to look at his new iPod Touch, which is very swish indeed. (I'm still a fan of my classic, though). We oohed and ahhhhed and talked about how bad we are about purchasing goodies 'on sale.' it was fun to have him over and to catch up and touch base again. My gift was a picture of the boys which just melted me and a mug with vi commands that has come with me to work. I actually said "Hey, i didn't know you could do that!" while i was reading the mug. The Nerd light was on full-force last night.
it's pretty cool that it seems we are actually going to start work on the house, even though they are small projects at a time. We hung a picture that i have wanted up for a while. We started on the mudroom by taking a cabinet down from there and putting it and the other one from the bathroom in better locations. It feels good to be making progress, and to begin putting things in their 'homes.' It feels as though i'm truly moving in, weird though that might sound after sixteen months. So, this weekend, the cabinet went in the bathroom. Next weekend, the cabinets get moved on the mudroom wall and maybe we will get bead board and paint. Baby steps, but they matter to me.
I've been too worn out to read anything of real substance, and it took me a ridiculously long fortnight to finish Storm Watch, the first of the mildly entertaining Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. I don't know that it's good enough to go rushing out to get the next in the series, but it was kinda fun while it lasted. Tuesday night i brought home a much-needed next-installment of the Stephanie Plum series and laughed and enjoyed myself in a restorative way, including reading much of it to David until he fell asleep listening. We are both so wiped out it's not funny. The boys were sick all last week, and now it seems David is again as well, and being stubborn about it of course since there remains so much work to do, mostly at work, but everywhere we turn.
The fun part of this weekend was watching Battlestar 2.5 and beginning season 3.0. we just started the series, and only made it through the first episode last night. I'm hooked, of course, but it's slow going getting through it since we have jobs and a family and alla that cool stuff. How do folks have time to watch all these shows, anyway?
It's spring. I love it! all the bulbs are coming out and i'm looking forward to gardening. We need to plant the bulbs we have, and to order even more. i'm a fan of bulbs, perhaps irrationally so, but there it is. i love spring. David and i have talked about weeping cherry trees, saucer magnolias, grandiflora magnolias, wildflowers and butterfly bushes. Face it: i'm turning into a complete girly-girl, even for a nerd.
It's spring. I love it! all the bulbs are coming out and i'm looking forward to gardening. We need to plant the bulbs we have, and to order even more. i'm a fan of bulbs, perhaps irrationally so, but there it is. i love spring. David and i have talked about weeping cherry trees, saucer magnolias, grandiflora magnolias, wildflowers and butterfly bushes. Face it: i'm turning into a complete girly-girl, even for a nerd.