Gym day

Something in my Spirit has shifted, though I'm not certain what. I know that the Wolf Moon Eclipse is supposed to be a big deal, releasing our wild side, but I feel calmer instead. More centered. Not sure what is up with that, but I'll take it.

I went to meeting Monday and asked for a volunteer to take me more often. Yesterday I texted one of the volunteers and it worked out (fourth time is the charm!!). At the meeting, I asked someone if I could start calling every day. Ever since I buried my sponsor last year, I d missed the visibility and connection. We talked last night, and then again while I walked to the gym this morning.

This week I texted an old friend that had been important but become alienated through bad communication and fear on both our parts. I thanked them for being in my life. We're talking again. It's nice. We could get hurt again, but even so it wouldn't be the end of the world. Living in isolation needlessly would be tragic though.

I can feel micro spasms -- around my eyes or near my temples -- and this is totally neurological. The headaches are mostly diminished, so even though I'm wiped out by ten in the morning, I can make the most of resting.

I walked to the gym. This is mild defiance on my part, since I'm not supposed to walk alone. But it's a managed rebellion, since I had someone on the phone the whole time. #AchievementUnlocked.

I swam 300 yards.

The plan these days is about doing it. Doing it fast is not the goal -- bonus points are for consistency and duration, but overdoing it is still bad. Right now the achievement range is 220-440 yards (1/8-1/4 mile). This is up from August (110-220), which was a step up from April (NotDeadYayMe!!)

Then steam room (to kill flue) and sauna meditation (blood pressure) and shower (clean is good). I love having a permanent locker at the gym.

On the walk home, I gave serious thought to the living situation. I might move, might stay where I am but in any case I need to purge My Land of a bunch of possessions which no longer fit my abilities (or lack thereof. It's kind of delusional to have scads of cooking supplies and equipment when I'm at the point of leftovers and takeout being onerously difficult.

So I took a deep breath and owned a situation that I don't like and that is getting worse by ignoring it. I texted a friend to get a crew together. Move everything out of the attic, haul away furniture etc. that I don't use, take donations to Goodwill.

Also I've asked for help with housework. It will either materialize or it won't. I keep sending out the call.

I heard from my thesis advisor. We've been talking about structure and assembly of the final draft. I'm hoping to get something to him before I leave for New York at the end of the month (#NightOfPhilosophyAndIdeas).

White tea and naps.

Love and peace ❣️

Gym day, small set

24 twisted angels, 5# l,r
8 Glute curls, 10# l,r
8 swimmerspresses, 10# l,r
8 lawn mowers, 10# l,r
8 squats, 10# l,r
8 Russian ab twists, 10# l,r
24 twisted inclined situps, 7.5# l,r
Some weird ab work machine: 8 @ 50#
Pigeon, down dog, up dog, forward fold, child's Pose, C100.
Plank
(8 Plank push ups) x 2
Steam room
Sauna

The Number of the Day is 12

The number of the day was 12.
10# l,r:
Skullcrushers
Swimmers press
Backscratchers
Squats

Core:
Twisted Angel sets
Inclined Twisted Situps
Plank Breaths
C100

Yoga:
Down dog
Child's Pose
Pigeon
Shoulder Stand
Fish
Hero
Thunderbolt

And then steam room and sauna

Morning walk

The Gym Heals Everything

I have been away from the gym for too long, and even when I have been there in the last year or so, I had strayed pretty far from my original routine, a series that was crafted to help my personal resilience as much as a physical program of fitness.

After the terror of Saturday night's dreams and the echos that lingered, I couldn't think of a better plan to shake myself back toward center. I gave myself permission to go slowly, to do as much as I wanted and nothing more. This was about the process, not the tick marks on a page.

A half mile in to the walk and I was stopping to grab a pen -- notes for the writing piece started coming forth. By the time I was at a mile, my center was back in place, at least temporarily, and I headed to the stationary bike, my first friend along this path. Ten minutes of biking had my sweat going on and my heart rate where it needed to be; I might have only burned 56 calories during that 2.5 mile stationary excursion, but it was familiar enough to have me back in the groove, so I headed to the rowing machine where I spent just under six minutes getting that first meter in. Not the worst time by a long shot, and it was rhythmic and welcoming. In the weights room there is a new machine near the stand that I use for the twisted angels. I was suspicious of it; it looked far too comfortable. It had padding and a half-moon-shaped thing to lean over, with a spot to brace my feet straight out behind me. I did 16 face down, then 16 face up before deciding it was just too strange and moving back to the familiar stand and finishing the core work routine.

For arms I was surprised to see that a lot of the dumbbells were missing. This is sad. I grabbed the 5 pound set and did what has become a standard set for me -- this morning it was all about the number 8, except that I did two sets of swimmers' presses before I was aware of what was going on.

I had thought it would be nice to swim a bit, but there was a water aerobics class going on and the hot tub was just too inviting, so I soaked in that and it was an amazing way to relax before a trip to the sauna.

The shower afterward helped ground me perfectly for the rest of the day.
No wonder I followed this routine for so long.

At home after the shower, I made a protein bomb meal, snacking on watermelon while the bacon did its thing in the pan and the eggs fried in the resulting grease. Some cheese, tomato and basil made it especially wonderful.

Since then there have been errands and reading, writing, a book idea and some graph paper moments. There is yoga tonight, as long as I don't fall asleep before the class starts -- a real concern as the rain falls on a lazy late afternoon.

Workout Details

• Walk 1 mile: 25 minutes
• Bike 2.5 miles: 10 Minutes
• Row 1m: 5m45s
• Core:
• Straight angels: 16 back, 16 front
• Twisted angels: 16
• twisted situps: 24
• Toe Dips: 8 l,r
• V-Ups: 8
• Weights 5# l, r:
• Glute Press:8
• Skull Crushers: 8
• Back Scratchers: 8
• Swimmer's Presses: 16
• Monkey Scratches: 8
• Kettlebell Squat:8 (10# bell, both hands)

Measurements

Measurement	November 2017	July 2018	Difference
Weight:	148	140	-8 pounds
Thigh:	20.5"	19	-1.5"
Waist:	33"	29.25"	-3.75"
Abdomen:	38.5"	36.5"	-2"
Hip:	40"	38"	-2"
Wrist:	6.5"	6.5"	0
Bicep:	11"	11.5"	+0.5"
Upper Bust:	37"	36"	-1"
Forearm:	8.5"	9"	+.5"
Lower bust:	38.5"	38"	-0.5"
Underbust:	34.5"	31.5"	-3"

Challenge 32: Bloom

Bloom

My challenges are usually about measuring what I am going to do, and that’s all good.
But this time I’m doing something a little different -- I’m going to report on what I do.

I’m not interested in giving myself grief or being all judgey -- I’m interested in seeing what I do that is on-target, a check-in to see where I am at the habit level. I have a suspicion that it’s lots higher than I am giving myself credit for.

So this time around, I am celebrating my successes. I’m looking forward to seeing how I’m doing with physical and emotional wellness, educational balance, and financial fitness. (See what I did there? That’s a 3+1 old school formula.)

~ o h m ~

I'm really looking forward to picking up yoga in the park again. With all the scheduling changes, it got dropped, but it's long overdue to add it back in, and Friday morning hasn't been the same since I stopped going. I know that it was because Vivian wasn't with me, but I'm looking forward to including her in the Monday evening offering. She has missed it and Bonny has missed having her in class.

I know I wouldn't be able to fit in the health and wellness pieces of my routine if I didn't have such great support from my partner. It really is all about balance.

Thirteen Days in A Row

Another early morning at the gym. Fifteen minutes at level six (up from level five) on the elliptical. Walked a quarter mile before pulling 100m on the rowing machine in six minutes -- my form is getting better and I'm extending back far enough that it is essentially working in 100 sit ups as well as the other awesomeness that is the rowing machine. Walked another quarter mile, then jogged a quarter mile, then hit the glute extension (12 reps each leg at 70 pounds), the inner and outer thigh machines (2 sets of 12 reps at 70 pounds each) and the back extension machine (24 reps at 70 pounds) and 16 inclined sit ups I simply could not do more than 40 pounds on the tricep machine, so I set the weight at that and did twelve of them. After that, swimming a mile was a respite, and five minutes in the hot tub was golden.

At home, Vivian was a delight as we made breakfast and changed her into her uniform and went to school. I turned the stale bagels into slices and toasted them, and they are delicious, a perfect accompnaiment to some lemon ginger tea.

I'm starting to see definition in the arms and increased firmness in the abs. I can definitely feel the improvement in my back and core. The scale says I've hit 125, and I'm really ok with that. I can feel the weight finally, finally!! coming out of my face, even if only a little. I'm probably going to need new swim shorts by April, since the waist on the ones I have is getting a bit loose. I feel really positive about the way I look for the first time in a decade.

The biggest bonus is the way I feel, which is way better overall from a couple months ago. I definitely have more energy throughout the day, and feel less cranky in general, less discouraged. I am still an emotional wreck about things at times, I grant you, but for actual reasons and not because I didn't have enough energy to feel good. Peace is possible.

Oh, and I just found out about the FitBit Blaze that is coming in March. I totally need one, but that's not important right now.

In other news, today is day nine of not smoking.

And we're back

After nearly three months off, I went to Pilates again. There wasn't a Sunday class anymore, and I really really missed it, so I set up a custom, semi-private six week session for The Girls and me. Lizzy and I showed up with a little trepidation, as the instructor was an instructor-in-training, and we had gotten very accustomed indeed to our previous instructor.

When we got there, two instructors-in-training awaited us. This somehow only increased our discomfort, especially since one of them was, no lie, thirteen. And then class began. The stretches, the individual attention, it was all coming back. The pace was slower than we were used to; the flow wasn't there yet as these women were new to leading class; we didn't even get around to corpse pose, my favorite part of the whole thing previously.

And yet it doesn't seem to matter. The instructor did assisted stretches with us. The individual attention was so wonderful as to be pampering. We were able to talk about individual issues and needs, have one-on-one pose correction, and we laughed again. Most of the work that we did after yoga focused on our legs, and mine are certainly feeling it tonight; I'm certain I will notice it tomorrow even more.

And it feels wonderful.

I know I will have to get up at oh-dark-hundred to get out the door and onto the bike again in the morning after two days away from it, and I'm feeling more grounded than ever.

Note: I'm going to have to talk with my doctor about the way the elliptical is kicking my heart into high gear. Apparently stairs are bad right now. And while I know that means I need more of them, I think Pilates and bike for this six weeks is the place to start. Stairs can wait until after Yuletide.

The Road Thus Far: Chrysalis

Good grief. What happened to me this Spring?

On March 1, I started a random bit of self-imposed homework and the next thing you know, my life looks truly different. I’m not saying that a lot of this wasn’t already in the works, or something I wanted to do and had thought about pursuing before, but I’ve never had so much consistent positive forward motion, despite the resistance that threatened to bog me down. If I’m really honest, the path started in December when I met a mortgage agent who said he was willing to work with me if I was willing to do the work required. Boy, I bet he had no idea what he was about to unleash; for that matter, I had no idea that I could accomplish all that I have. But here’s the important part: it’s not about what I accomplished, but how those small accomplishments have impacted my self image and how I feel.

It seems that once I got my feet under me and shook off the winter, I put in place a gradual-but-undeniable (some might even use the term relentless) path of improvement. For all that the list below looks a little intimidating, it wasn't really very hard at all. I just made up my mind and did it. The secret was that I didn’t look at the big picture while I was working – I just looked at the single step I was taking. I wasn't on a death march, by any means. In fact, it was pretty gradual, starting from a "Hey, do you want to . . . ?" conversation in each and every case. I surrounded myself with people who were supportive and positive, and cut out the people who weren't. The results are more than impressive; they are awesome.

• I signed up for Six Sigma Certification classes in April, and they started in May. I completed the Green Belt certification at the end of June. I feel credible.
  
• I started Pilates on May 20. Seven weeks and five classes later, I'm in love with it. I look and feel better than ever, and the two weeks I was without my Sunday ritual I felt spiritually depleted. It has become my church service, and The Girls have become my spiritual community. I feel connected.
• I went rock climbing for the first time in my life on May 5. I have since been once more, and I'm looking forward to incorporating it into my regular life. I feel strong and capable.
• I purged clothes that don't fit and stuff I don't use. I feel lighter.
• In July, I paid off my final old medical bill and my credit is officially rehabilitated. My credit rating has climbed from laughable to serious, and I am in charge of my financial reality in a way I have never been in my life. I feel responsible.
• I got prequalified for a mortgage and I am working with an amazing realtor to find a house I like that I can afford in the neighborhood I love. I feel enfranchised.

And it's still going on:

• I began classes for Lean Six Sigma this week. It’s another level up from the Green Belt, and at times, just as before, I’m lost and have to go back through the lecture a second time. I’m dedicated, though.
• I am considering an outdoor climbing camp. Real rocks. Real high in the air. Kind of intimidating. Can't wait. (The only reason I'm not already signed up is because I'm waiting to see how much I need to put down on the house.)

And here's the best part: It was worth it every step of the way, even when it wasn't fun. I was scared or overwhelmed (or both) at each endeavor. Honest, there were even times that I thought I simply wasn't going to be able to do it -- I was going to fail. In so many ways this looming failure was liberating: it freed me not to worry about my success and to focus instead on the process. And here it is.

Right after we moved out of the farm, my sons bought me a mug that I simply adore. It's heidi-blue, and in white letters it reads Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she turned into a butterfly.

P.S. Just as I was putting the finishing touches on this The Year Thus Far analysis, my friend posted a quote on her blog. I can’t think of a better way to wrap this up, so here it is:

This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy. ~Susan Polis Schutz