Michelle Yeoh

"every choice that you make splinters into a full blown universe of its own with a real life." ---Michelle Yeoh

A feast of sorrows

I have complicated feelings about David Foster Wallace, even though I've never met him.

This piece by Anne Dowd is much more than a piece about DFW, though, and is excellent in its pacing, its simplicity, its point.

Her line "How does the heart reconcile itself to its feast of losses?" reminded me of a conversation with friends a few months ago when I asked how we go about the (to my mind, sacred) work of making ourselves a host for a feast of sorrows. Reading this, I think that's a question I might need to visit again, more deeply.  

2022 Wishes

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value. Rather, it is one of the things which give value to survival." C. S. Lewis

"Survival is insufficient." Star Trek Voyager, ep. 122

May your 2022 be filled with things which give value to survival.

Five Things

• I'm sorry.
• I was wrong.
• I don't know.
• Thank you.
• I love you.

Gym day

Something in my Spirit has shifted, though I'm not certain what. I know that the Wolf Moon Eclipse is supposed to be a big deal, releasing our wild side, but I feel calmer instead. More centered. Not sure what is up with that, but I'll take it.

I went to meeting Monday and asked for a volunteer to take me more often. Yesterday I texted one of the volunteers and it worked out (fourth time is the charm!!). At the meeting, I asked someone if I could start calling every day. Ever since I buried my sponsor last year, I d missed the visibility and connection. We talked last night, and then again while I walked to the gym this morning.

This week I texted an old friend that had been important but become alienated through bad communication and fear on both our parts. I thanked them for being in my life. We're talking again. It's nice. We could get hurt again, but even so it wouldn't be the end of the world. Living in isolation needlessly would be tragic though.

I can feel micro spasms -- around my eyes or near my temples -- and this is totally neurological. The headaches are mostly diminished, so even though I'm wiped out by ten in the morning, I can make the most of resting.

I walked to the gym. This is mild defiance on my part, since I'm not supposed to walk alone. But it's a managed rebellion, since I had someone on the phone the whole time. #AchievementUnlocked.

I swam 300 yards.

The plan these days is about doing it. Doing it fast is not the goal -- bonus points are for consistency and duration, but overdoing it is still bad. Right now the achievement range is 220-440 yards (1/8-1/4 mile). This is up from August (110-220), which was a step up from April (NotDeadYayMe!!)

Then steam room (to kill flue) and sauna meditation (blood pressure) and shower (clean is good). I love having a permanent locker at the gym.

On the walk home, I gave serious thought to the living situation. I might move, might stay where I am but in any case I need to purge My Land of a bunch of possessions which no longer fit my abilities (or lack thereof. It's kind of delusional to have scads of cooking supplies and equipment when I'm at the point of leftovers and takeout being onerously difficult.

So I took a deep breath and owned a situation that I don't like and that is getting worse by ignoring it. I texted a friend to get a crew together. Move everything out of the attic, haul away furniture etc. that I don't use, take donations to Goodwill.

Also I've asked for help with housework. It will either materialize or it won't. I keep sending out the call.

I heard from my thesis advisor. We've been talking about structure and assembly of the final draft. I'm hoping to get something to him before I leave for New York at the end of the month (#NightOfPhilosophyAndIdeas).

White tea and naps.

Love and peace ❣️

Netflix's Soundtrack, Season One

Stop everything you are doing and watch Soundtrack.

This is Netflix at its finest, and it's good to see again.

Art.
Life.
Love.
Music.

Decisions, Decisions

Your life choices aren't just about what you want to do; they're about who you want to be.

This life is yours.

This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy. ~Susan Polis Schutz

Calling Kevin Bacon

A small town in Oklahoma made the news when a Valentine's Day dance had to be cancelled because it was too close to a church. An old ordnance prohibits dancing within 500 feet of a church, though no one really took it seriously as the planning went on.

And there was a time for this law, but not anymore. See, this is our time to dance. It is our way of celebrating life.

This is clearly a case for Kevin Bacon, who, after teaching a town to dance, went on to serve in the Marines' Legal corps. He's super talented like that.