A time for balance and reflection

I love the autumnal equinox, and the new moon that follows it.

As summer winds down and the days come into balance, I always feel as though the universe is inviting me to spend a few days in inner reflection, creating a space of stillness in which I get to consider what in my life is out of balance and what is important to me as I carry on into the darkening time of year—is there anything that I need to put down?

It’s a powerful topic, if I let it be, and this year there is much to weigh. 

I really like what I do, and while this is great (and new!) it’s also an attachment, a thing that pulls at me and into which I lean. I don’t want to change that, but I want to make sure that I have some equilibrium and a sure footing. One doesn’t go up a boulder without understanding that gravity is dispassionately heartless and will dash any of us down to the ground, showing us the error of our ways.

Over the last several years, I’ve prioritized my relationship with my daughter, and this has taken root. This is wonderful, and I’m glad to see it. New growth in our relationship in the last year opened new paths, and this too tugs at me, and is something into which I am leaning. 

Attachment is beautiful, magical, and difficult, possibly even dangerous. There’s a reason Buddhist believe attachment out of balance is at the root of all suffering. Being in relationship with mindfulness and compassion allows for expansiveness, in our relationships and for the whole world. Consider the nature of the corruption of the One Ring in Lord of the Rings: the idea of possession is embodied in the object, becoming obsessive to the point of corruption. We do not possess things, they possess us. Our jobs, our relationships with others, these are not possessions and cannot be controlled. Love is a wild magic.

While I’m not ready to go join the forest monks just yet, I also want to hold my attachments in a way that is nurturing for everyone involved, with elasticity and compassion. 

This is a matter of faith, ultimately: 

• I have faith in the work I do, that any changes or challenges can be met with competence, dignity, and grace. 
• I have faith in the people I’m in relationship with, that growth will only deepen our bonds and honor myself as well as each other. 
• I have faith in the universe, that the universe loves me and wants me to be happy, and that all pieces of the journey are helpful. As the details shift in the ten thousand things that make up my day-to-day life—as they always will—this is the central truth.

Stay tuned. 

Sunday Reflection

 

​

Week 3 Reflection

Mind
*Writing. The dissertation is 21,730 words. Slowly, steadily, this will get written. This is the Way of Writing. I wrote a draft of a proposal for a conference, and  have notes for the draft for an internship. Also I found a job posting that seems to fit with my skills and alignment, so I’ll be adding that to the Writing list for the coming week. I asked for letters of recommendation, and that’s a huge thing for me.
*I’ve been leading and responding to Class discussion posts this week, following up on the analysis I turned in (also this week). I like what I do.  This is the Way of the Student.
*I haven’t touched statistics this week, and that’s all okay.
*I opened up my dogsitting calendar again, and have a client scheduled for this coming weekend.

 

Body
*Body recovery efforts are working. My feet still ache at the end of a shift, but much less so. I had Yet Another™️ boundary discussion about scheduling, and changes were made to reflect that. This is the Way of Work-Life Balance.
*I haven’t eaten out as much this week, and I even cooked once. This is good. I picked up yogurt and pomegranate to help keep me on track. I really like vanilla yogurt with pomegranate arils, freshly grated ginger, and honey. It’s kind of amazing. I am drinking milk, but not as much as I once did, and I could stand to pump it up a bit again, especially on work days.
*Supplements seemed to really help. The next step is to stop and see if the boost was enough to level up or if I need to refill the tank a bit more. We were specifically targeting circulation, generally, and joint aches and inflammation specifically, and I think they really helped.
*Saturday vegetable pickup happened
*Milk was not picked up.
*Acupuncture focused on my skull and brain and neurology. I think there is some major healing going on, and honestly I had given up on that as a possibility. It’s nice to be wrong.
*No salt float since Sunday
*No gym time, but lots of steps at the pharmacy.

 

Heart 
*Women's weekly meeting on Monday evening happened.
*Pinball League on Monday after the Meeting, and more connections were made.
*Jedi Council meeting on Wednesday afternoon.
*Philosophy Writers group is really more a connection than a mind thing. One of the philosophers and I met after the meeting and traded work, and this feels good.

 

Soul 
*Meditation happened mostly in a chair after work, whether I wanted to take the time out or not. My acupuncturist and I laughed about the result of a meditation practice is that sometimes the meditation takes you, instead of the other way around. 
*Sleep has been consistently restorative, and I’m blessed. No headaches since last Friday, and this feels especially encouraging. 

I feel like I found my way through some pretty substantial conflict this week, again. Court, non-court, the session with Vivian, the kerfuffle at the pharmacy on Monday. It’s all good. Even the tension with unexpected legal expenses hasn’t ruffled me as much as it once did. I don’t know what the source of the difference is; i certainly don’t feel as though I’ve “worked hard and earned it” or anything but I think that’s what being a Druid is about: cultivating that which cannot be earned, exactly.

​